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As much as I want to find a man to spend the rest of my life with, and as much as I complain about being single, I have a secret. I’m scared of falling in love. It’s the single most terrifying thing that could ever happen to me.

I’ve never experienced it before.

I’m used to being single. I’m good at it. I know what movies to binge watch on Netflix when I’m bored and what dating apps to check if I want a quick boost in confidence. But I’m not used to being someone’s serious girlfriend. What if I’m bad at it? I have no idea how to comfort a guy when he’s in tears or how to make a good first impression with his parents. Just the thought of taking such serious steps gives me major anxiety.

Crushes are hard enough to deal with. 

I’ve had my fair share of crushes, and I’ve spent hours crying over them for ridiculous reasons. And those tears were only over boys I wish I would’ve been with. Imagine how bad it would be if I ended up in a serious relationship with someone who stole my heart? Loving someone is ten times worse than lusting over them. I don’t know if I’m ready to experience that level of emotion.

I don’t want to lose sight of what’s important in life. 

It’s hard enough to balance my social life and my career as a single woman. Adding a man into the mix would only make life more difficult. If I found a serious boyfriend, I’d have to make him one of my top priorities, which means I might end up letting other things, like my friendships or my career, slide. But I never want that to happen.

I don’t want to lose my independence. 

I consider myself to be pretty self-sufficient, but if I entered a serious relationship, my boyfriend would become a big part of my life. I’d end up getting upset over silly things, like if he forgot to compliment my new haircut or if he spent a little too much time texting a certain female friend. A boyfriend would be able to make or break my day, and I’m scared of letting someone hold that much power over me.